Sometimes, parents are married, sometimes unmarried. ADEL (Caller): Hello. "She believed that he deserved the kind of opportunities that she had had [like] the opportunity to a great university," Scott says. About 59% fall into the first category; they have no spouse or partner in residence with them. And comments like that, you know. You know, three movies, no dad. So the next time you come across a study from Harvard or some other ivory tower academic trying to cast shade on the idea that fathers matter for kids, youd be better off just reprising the wisdom articulated by our 44th president on this matter for Fathers Day in 2008, which is as relevant for Fathers Day in 2021: Of all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important We know the statistics that children who grow up without a father are five times more likely to live in poverty and commit crime They are more likely to have behavioral problems, or run away from home, or become teenage parents themselves. When articles about the book started coming out, they referred to his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, as simply "a white anthropologist from Kansas.". The statistical impacts of being raised by a single parent (like lower average scores on standardized tests, poorer grades and an increased likelihood of dropping out of high school or failing to attend college) may be stronger for sons, but they affect daughters too. Research like this has kept some influential thinkers and journalists on the left defending the scientific consensus about marriage, fatherhood, and family. I got it. Fifty-three percent are solo mothers, who tend to vote Democrat, and the majority are part of the vast millennial generation ranging from age 24to 39. It's the TALK OF THE NATION from NPR News. Now more than ever, single parents need government leaders who can empathize with our losses and victories, the strengths that they build, and offer a vision for the future that will give us all more psychological security and stronger community structures in which we can thrive. Mary Pols is a film reviewer and author. A record 8% of households with minor children in the United States are headed by a single father, up from just over 1% in 1960, according to a Pew Research Center analysis of Decennial Census and American Community Survey data. "And her work in many ways foreshadows his. A Complete Timeline Of Kate Beckinsale And Pete Davidson's Relationship, The Greatest Actresses Who Have Never Won an Oscar (for Acting), American Public Figures Who Are National Treasures, The Greatest Actors & Actresses in Entertainment History, Actors Who Somehow Looked Older In The '90s Than They Do Now, Jon Stewart's Most Entertaining Feuds Ever, The Most Influential Contemporary Americans. Only one third of single mothers received any child support, and the average amount these mothers received was only about $286 a month. on the sons of single parents, who are usually women. We appreciate your time today. So during the period when I was doing the research, it wasn't something I was thinking a whole lot about and then was resuscitated by Donald Trump. There are still nuclear families in America, but there are also unmarried parents, gay parents, families without children, and single parents. columns you've missed along with book reviews and family news from the Times and elsewhere, all free. Yet, they were quick to identify men in their lives that stepped in as father figures. Fathers who are living in a household headed by someone else are excluded from the analysis, as are fathers whose children are not living with them. Indeed, children raised by single mothers are even more likely to reach higher professional and educational levels than children raised in households headed by a stepfather or single father . Mr. MORAN: You know, that could be the case. (primarily single mothers). Ms. McWilliams brothers, interviewed at her sons soccer game, gladly stepped into the father role for their nephew. Obama Sr. stayed in school in Hawaii, and Dunham returned to Seattle with her newborn baby, Barack. The earthy figure in the photograph did not fit any of those. Binyamin Appelbaum spoke to Professor Autor for The Timess Business Day section (Study of Mens Falling Income Cites Single Parents). Single fathers are also somewhat less educated than single mothers, older and more likely to be white. But he has been an active part in my son's life. So I feel like what happened for me as a single mother was basically kind of a continuation of that, and that's not to say that my friends treated me badly by any means but just that it is - it is a little awkward. He's just gone. Age differences also contribute to the differences in financial well-being between the two groups. He was raised by his mother May Smith until he was 4 years old, at which point his grandparents took over the primary parenting responsibilities. I mean, I think about it all the time. Reprinted by arrangement with Riverhead, a member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. First Family Fabrics: Batiks From Obama's Mother, Indonesia And Obama's Personal Path To Democracy, President's Sister Pays Homage To Mother In Children's Book, Obama's Sister: U.S. To See A Family Tapestry. And it took me until the third one to really realize: No, he's not dead, or maybe he's dead, but they're not divorced. They move through parenting tasks with a passion and commitment to rarely seen in men. More than two in five (43%) lived in poverty. KEVIN RUDD: Kevin Rudd's mother Margaret was forced to raise the family as a single parent after his Dad Bert died in a car accident when he was 11 years old. In the deepest quarantine days, many of us who rely on child care facilities, babysitters, friends, neighborsand activities grew more anxious because we lost our vital agreements outside of our households. We, the successors of a country and a time, where a skinny black girl, descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president, only to find herself reciting for one. 13. CONAN: Those mothers - and I hate to lump them all into a category - but would you say that they were all financially challenged as well? I'm Neal Conan. I interviewed nearly two hundred colleagues, friends, professors, employers, acquaintances, and relatives, including her two children. CONAN: Would you explain that - I'm sorry, Mary Pols, go ahead. Many men raised by single mothers Ive worked with in therapy have demonstrated the same impressive tenacity and grit as the men in the film. You know, if a - one of my clients, you know, gets kicked out of school for getting into a school fight and has to go to court, the judge blames the mom, says you're not putting in the family structure in place to keep your child well-behaved, and that kid usually gets adjudicated delinquent, is on probation for 12 months, gets into another fight, and they're stuck in the system. While 61% of single fathers living with no spouse or partner are white, this share is 49% for cohabiting single fathers. So you have to ask, compared to what? The wage disparities are even greater for women of color African-American women earn only 64, while Hispanic and Latinas fare worse, being paid just 56 on the dollar. Angelina Jolie's parents, Jon Voight and Marcheline Bertrand, separated when the Mr. and Mrs. Smithactress was an infant. The American family looks a little different now than it did in the days of Ward and June Cleaver. I'm going to be with him. Stephen Colbert was raised by his mother, Lorna, after his father, James, and two brothers, Peter and Paul, died in a plane crash in 1974 when Colbert was 10 years old. There's no dad here. I was very careful about dating and so forth until she was like a senior in high school because my main concern was to be a good father. One of my son's friends at Montessori preschool, you know, he's just always asking: Can we have a play date with him? support receipt. She worked two jobs, received her master's degree, is currently pursuing her Ph.D. The photograph showed the son, but my eye gravitated toward the mother. It doesn't mean you can't grow up to be president. Only 8.5% of children in single mother families received TANF. Maybe he's just curious about how a 39-year-old woman goes about such a decision. So today, we want to hear from single mothers. Adel's with us from Birmingham. Without their generosity, I could not have written this book. We did not ask - we didn't ask that. Subscribe to the Weekly E-mail. Angelina Jolie is certainly near the top of the list. Mr. MORAN: Basically, we surveyed nearly 3,000 Americans, and we wanted to test what people really thought the consequences of some of the bigger demographic trends that have reshaped the American family in the last 30 or 40 years are. Click on TALK OF THE NATION. When Kate Beckinsale was 5years old, her father, Richard Beckinsale, perished of a heart attack. And he said to me: So did you consider having an abortion? And I just had to conclude, after all these attempts at getting play dates and failing, that we just weren't really welcome at their house. Its my personal feeling that it's in the best interest of the child (boy or girl) that they can have a relationship with their father. "Mothers - especially single mothers - are heroic in their efforts to raise our nation's children, but men must also take responsibility for their children and recognize the impact they have on their families' well-being." - Evan Bayh "I value so many people who have to work full time, definitely single mothers. Children raised by single mothers are more likely to fare worse on a number of dimensions, including their school achievement, their social and emotional development, their health and their . Hes a better father than my father ever was.. In 1960, Dunham's family moved to Hawaii, where she enrolled in college. How do people treat you? BARACK OBAMA, MARCH 18, 2008. This Harvard research is part and parcel of a larger effort to call into question the idea that married, two-parent families matter not just for Black children but, indeed, all children. Sean Grover, L.C.S.W., is an author and psychotherapist who leads one of the largest group therapy practices in the United States. And then it kind of faded out a bit. Single moms are not invited to dinner or barbecues with other families. But if you're in Durham Public School, it lands you in court. Here's an email from Maria(ph): My son is now 19, but I learned pretty quickly from the reactions of others that my pregnancy was not a happy occasion. In order to work, she was going to need some kind of advanced degree. He joined us from the Pew Research Center here in Washington, D.C. We're going to continue with Mary Pols, and we want to hear from single moms today. Why Are So Many Young Men Single And Sexless? He underlined the value of fathers for kids and his own dedication to breaking the cycle of fatherlessness he experienced as a boy. Almost one-fourth (24%) of single father households are living at or below the poverty level, compared with just 8% of married father households and fully 43% of single mother households. Fatherless boys inevitably suffer delinquent tendencies. "She made it look easy, though I know it never was.". Without financial aid, single mother students have little or no means to contribute financially to their educational expenses. And I think that part of the negative view of women raising children on their own is because of the view that our culture has of women. 9. So she was juggling a lot of things." off: They have the highest poverty rate. associated with poor health in middle age, financial hardship and depression. Click on TALK OF THE NATION. Well, how did you do that? Scott says she doesn't know of any problems between Obama and his mother, but there were some indications that his mother felt some sadness about the physical distance between them. I am still raising my son, but he sees my commitment to several activities that keep me calm and balanced. Mary Pols, thanks very much. Some of their husbands are in prison. Consequently, an intensely negative parent relationship can do far more damage than a missing parent. No one could doubt that President Obama understood how much fathers mattered for their kids. ", On her thoughts about articles written about Obama after he was elected president of the Harvard Law Review, " 'His mother is a white woman from Kansas,' [or] 'His mother is an anthropologist,' or 'His mother is an anthropologist working in international development,' and that would be about it. Obama said yes, and in 1995, his book Dreams from My Father was published. The proportion is much higher among African Americans (65%), compared with whites (36%). You have to be financially wise, and mostly, you are forced to reach outside of yourself to find alternative emotional and social supports. I wish I had time to myself. And boy, there's a lot of emails coming in. Some married two-parent households include a step-parent. However, I know I can manage it just fine myself, and it's very empowering to know that I don't need to count on anyone else. Scott's biography of Obama's mother, A Singular Woman, traces Dunham's life and the relationship she had with her son, whose rise in the political world came largely after her death in 1995. Every elite, out-of-touch, sickeningly rich celebrity was once a tiny helpless baby. Brad Wilcox, a sociologist at the University of Virginia, is a senior fellow of the Institute for Family Studies and a visiting scholar at the American Enterprise Institute. (+1) 202-419-4372 | Media Inquiries. Born: 08-04-1961 Age: 58 Birthplace: Honolulu, Hawaii, USA More Barack Obama The Best Songs on Obama's POTUS Playlist #211 of 347 on The Most Important Leaders In World History #262 of 345 on A few months after receiving the photo, I wrote an article for The New York Times about Dunham. Absolutely NOT! And, you know, for me, I'm sort of I'm in the middle of movie screening. The same pattern is reflected in poverty status across these household types. About two thirds are White, one third Black. When we come back, we'll bring you an update on Libya. However, only half were employed full-time all year long, a quarter (25.9%) were jobless the entire year. For example, boys raised by a mother and stepfather (a two-parent home) have the highest negative outcomes, much more than those raised by a single mother. So I think our society is biased to the point that we've put these women in really difficult positions. Three months pregnant with their child, she married him in 1961. CONAN: I think that's what the survey was trying to find out. "Later, one friend describes her as wistful about his decision to move to Chicago and root himself in Chicago and emphasize the sort-of black part of himself. And 18% of fathers living with no spouse or partner are Hispanic, while fully one-third (33%) of cohabiting fathers are. Biden and Harris have shown the many positive qualities that being a single parent or being raised by one inspires. And the other thing is a lot of the women I work - or the mothers I see, they're not single mothers by choice. About half (52%) are separated, divorced, widowed or never married and are living without a cohabiting partner; some (41%) are living with a non-marital partner; and a small share (7%) are married but living apart from their spouse.3. Can we have a play date with him? We went to a Campboree this past weekend, and when I registered my son, the man who was registering said: And are you registering his father? About 4 out 10 children were born to unwed mothers. And honestly, I think that's part of the reason we tend to gravitate to each other. That's at npr.org. And I raised her, raised her by myself, and CONAN: And what were people's attitudes like? All of the work-life-balance conversation thats dominated this blog and much Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. When President Lyndon Johnson launched the War on Poverty in 1963, 93 percent of American children were born to married parents. CONAN: All right, Rich Moran, thanks very much for your time today, appreciate it. Its hard. Does a Dog's Head Shape Predict How Smart It Is? Among household heads who are fathers, some are more likely to be single dads than others. To describe Dunham as a white woman from Kansas is about as illuminating as describing her son as a politician who likes golf. The photograph, taken on a Manhattan rooftop in August 1987 and e-mailed to me twenty years later, was a revelation and a puzzle. As the title suggests, it focused mainly on the relationship he had with his father, Barack Obama Sr. The gospel of Jesus Christ was given by God to bless all His children, without exception, regardless of the family situations in which they find themselves. I do think that sociologically, it does have a lot to do with our culture and the way that our culture views women. 23.4%. There are some notable differences between single mothers and single fathers. No, he doesn't have a father. 3 Miracles Of Children Raised by Single Mothers. He also, at her insistence, took English correspondence classes and regularly woke up before dawn to go over his English language skills. Im aspiring to be anti-racist and patriotic. Statistics have their place in our society, but at the same time, they are broad strokes and not based on an individual case. But as a single woman, I was already sort of left out of the family events, you know, the camping trips that people went on in the summer and - or, you know, dinner parties where everybody was a couple. Take An Interactive Quiz On Changing Family Structures. There was a period in 1979 where she was working in what her boss described to me as 'community development in Java.' By comparison, only 6.7% were uninsured in two-parent households. Beaver Cleaver would have trouble recognizing the typical American family today. About 40% of U.S. single parents were employed in low-wage jobs and often had no access to paid leave. But she said there's nothing to motivate you like needing to support a child, and so I took that on as sort of my mantra. I just think that the way that couples socialize tends to be with other couples. Most notably, those who are cohabiting are younger, less educated and less financially well-off than their counterparts who are not living with a spouse or partner. Growing up in ideal circumstances doesnt guarantee happiness. The biggest factor? Families headed by single mothers are among the poorest households, more than a third lived in poverty, and as such, are extremely vulnerable to homelessness. These along with less generous safety net programs and wage inequality among women help explain the exceptionally high poverty rate for single mother families in the U.S. 2023 SMG. Im Neal Conan. All rights reserved. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. But, for me professionally, you know, I grew up thinking that Pauline Kael was - you know, the movie critic from The New Yorker Ms. POLS: was just a goddess. This is what makes the new documentary IN A PERFECT WORLD such an important and timely film. Child care subsidy, if eligible, is hard to come by. And while 22% of fathers with no spouse or partner have a bachelors degree or more, the share of cohabiting fathers with this level of education is less than half that (10%). There is this sense, which I think kind of reminds me a little bit of the way my parents, who were, you know, children of the Depression, they used to discourage me from playing with the children of divorced parents, as if, you know, I would just go over there and immediately start dropping acid because they were divorced parents, you know Ms. POLS: Yeah. Only 11% received cash benefits from TANF. The focus on men and boys shouldnt distract from a larger problem: single mothers and their daughters may be doing better, but they cant be said to be thriving. In 1972, Scott says, Dunham rejoined her son in Hawaii and stayed there during his middle school years. You know, to me, I think a lot about the sort of lack of single-mother role models we have in our culture, and maybe because I'm a movie critic, I really latched on to the mother in "Toy Story.". Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information. In fact, it dates back our first president, George Washington to President Obama. Public opinion ascribes roughly the same hierarchy of roles to mothers. One in five millennials is a single dad. We can feel left out of social events. The share of fathers that are single fathers declines markedly at older ages16% of those ages 30-39 are single fathers, and 13% of those ages 40 or older are. I double-majored in English and anthropology and graduated with honors from the University of Michigan. It's the judges. Poverty is also linked with single fatherhood: More than one-third (36%) of fathers who are living at or below the poverty line are single parents. In the capsule version of Obama's life story, she is the white mother from Kansas coupled alliteratively with the black father from Kenya. Rachel Lehmann-Haupt is an author of "In Her Own Sweet Time: Unexpected Adventures in Finding Love, Commitment and Motherhood," and a single mother by choice. And these mothers can't - they're working three, four jobs, have two, three children and can't provide the financial means to put their children in a position of privilege where they don't get in trouble. And I'm going to be a good mother, and I'm so excited to hear that somebody's got an upstanding freshman in college, a single mother. Once again, the quality of the relationships in a childs life determines his or her mental wellbeing. It just means that the chances - the likelihood that bad things will happen is increased if you grow up in a single-parent household. CONAN: All right, Alan, thanks very much for the call. You can be both, President Trump. Director Daphne McWilliams bravely explores the health and hardiness of men raised by single mothers. However, single father householders differ from single mother householders on several indicators. Well, parenthood and - under any circumstance has its challenges. "He credits her with impressing upon him the importance upon one's duty to others perhaps that the best thing that one can do is to give opportunities for others," Scott tells Fresh Air's Terry Gross. Partly out of a worthy desire to celebrate the heroism of single parents, progressives too often downplay family structure. 3. In 1966, Dunham married Lolo Soetoro, an Indonesian man studying in Honolulu on a student visa. "When I was five, my parents split and my mother. I want to break that cycle where a father is not at home where a father is not helping to raise that son or daughter. A new report from the Institute for Family Studies co-authored by us with sociologist Wendy Wang finds large differences between Black kids raised by their own two parents, compared to their peers raised by single parents (primarily single mothers). America. To all parents: Dont break the bank to send your kids to their dream school, What a new dad learned in COVID lockdown about politics, responsibility and 'women's work', Your California Privacy Rights/Privacy Policy. According to 2017 data, there are more than 16 million unmarried parents in America raising over 24million children. And when I - you know, when I heard the Pew Institute study that single motherhood is bad for society, I found that statement really problematic as though it's the mother's fault. In Obama's presidential campaign, she was the struggling single mother, the food stamp recipient, the victim of a health-care system gone awry, pleading with her insurance company for coverage as her life slipped away. But, you know, I guess I have to say, you know, it's a pretty big question to ask someone in the office, right? The president's mother has served as any of a number of useful oversimplifications. It was impossible not to be struck forcefully by the similarities, and the dissimilarities, between them. Like single mothers, single fathers are typically less educated and less well-off than their married counterparts. A voter profile compiled by the Voter Participation Center in 2019 found thata majority of voting-eligible women were unmarried in 2018. I stopped sharing my news and felt intensely sad when I watched married pregnant women put on a pedestal. [There were] long descriptions of his father's family history. You know, informed speculation would suggest probably the number was larger in the past than it is now, but still, when you have 69 percent saying it's bad for society, that's a large number and a fairly clear judgment. Thomas Jefferson was. Rich Moran, is this sexism, pure and simple? Single father householders are more likely to be white than single mother householders, but less likely to be white than married father householders. A new Pew Research poll asked Americans about these trends and found almost 70 percent believe that single women raising children on their own is bad for society. I had to learn quickly not to pay attention to what anyone thought. We see many of them in action, waking their kids in the morning, preparing meals, dropping their sons and daughters off at school. And for me, it's like: Wow, here I am latching on to "Toy Story" as an example of a single mother celebrated in culture by doing a good job with her kids. Some couples don't have children at all. Single mothers earn income that place them well below married mothers in the income ladder. Men raised without fathers are equally successful in life. So - but for me, it's been a very good and very positive experience, and, you know, I read something like this Pew study, and I think, as do I think a lot of my single-mother friends: Oh, that's so annoying. ADEL: Question number four: Yes, my child doesn't have a father, and I will be - and I run into that I can't tell you how much. President Barack Obama was raised by his mother, Stanley Ann Dunham, from the time that he was born until he was 4 years old, when she married Lolo Soetoro. She returned to Indonesia to do anthropological field work shortly after he entered high school. 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